To develop people as disciples and disciple makers for Christ
The mentoring programme is the initiative of the Youth Support Group (YSG). The YSG is a group of caring adults who are committed to seeing youth ministry flourish at HPC and support Wayne and Matt in their efforts. YSG is approved by session and currently it's active members are Bill Milnes, Irene Mclaren , Kirsty Burnand, and Miranda Finlay.
Should you wish to discuss anything about your mentoring/mentoree situation please feel free to contact any of the YSG group for support.
If, within your mentoring situation, you come across an issue that you deem to require professional counselling please contact Cherie Moran who will either advise you or refer on to an appropriate source. If you have an issue around sexuality please feel free to approach Matt Chamberlin or Cherie Moran. But please use the YSG group as the main filter for any issues that you have.
Mentoring - "The 1st Fifteen"
By Charles Hewlett, Director of Ministry Training, Carey Baptist College, 2007
1. Work hard at developing the relationship
We must appreciate the relational nature of mentoring. Like all living things, mentoring relationships will deteriorate if they are not maintained. Remember there is no formula, no ideal model, and no programme of steps to success. We must work hard at nurturing the connection between us.
2. Maintain regular contact
Develop ways of regularly communicating with the person you are mentoring. It is amazing how some form of contact between more formal sessions can encourage people. Write them a note, send them an e-mail, call them on the phone, sit by them at church, etc and let them know they are important to you. It is so easy to get ourselves busy and to ignore this. Let them know the relationship is important and that you are committed to them.
3. Establish clear goals
It is important that you both have clear expectations. How often will we meet? Where will we meet? For what length of time? What does the mentoree expect of you? What do you expect of them? What is the agreed goal or objective you are trying to grow and develop the person towards? What structure will your meetings have? What questions will be asked and who sets the agenda? What boundaries do we need to put in place (especially when mentoring the opposite sex)? What happens if we have to cancel or postpone? Is it fair to mentor someone who reports to you? Establishing a contract can be helpful - remember to review it regularly.
4. Provide a safe space
My Dad was a brilliant mentor to me because he provided me with a place to be dumb and creative. Although a brilliant theologian he didn't mind if I was naive or ignorant or wrong. I didn't feel like I had to perform when I was with him. He also provided a space for me to be creative - to share my whacky thoughts and ideas. By creating a safe place the mentor enables the mentoree to step out of the comfort zone and risk something new and untried. I believe this encourages self-reliance and confidence.
5. Listen (it is not all about you!)
It is nice to be wanted and to have someone to tell our stories to - but this is not what mentoring is about! We need to let the mentoree speak and listen to them well and carefully. It is important to listen behind the spoken word and read between the lines of the written word. Try and hear what is going on inside the person's heart as well as head.
6. Ask good questions
Mentoring is more about asking good questions than giving good answers. Think questions, questions, and more questions. It is very easy for us to answer and to tell someone what to do - good mentoring resists this. Mentoring is about listening and questioning, not about answering and giving direction. Learn to ask questions that enhance reflection.
7. Provide some new information
However, do try and contribute information that might be new. Adults are usually pragmatic learners - they want their learning to help them solve a problem, build new skills, advance in their jobs, make more friends - in general, to do, produce, or decide something that is of real value to them. Think about the mentoring session you are about to have and put time aside in preparation. What will be a good Bible passage to read? Is there a page from a book that might be helpful? Is there some skill information I need to pass on? Have I written up my critique notes?
8. Encourage theological reflection
As a leader it is important to encourage people to think biblically, with a Christian worldview. This is particularly so of mentoring. Pyle and Seals note, "Theological reflection is the search for meaning, when done in the light of faith. Theological reflection occurs when the events of life are examined through the eyes of faith in order to integrate experience and faith." What might the Bible say -about the issue we are discussing? Think about the nature of God. What would Jesus do? Where do worldly values and kingdom values collide? How would the Apostle Paul encourage me to respond? What am I discovering about my relationship with God? What would God want me to do? Have you prayed about this?
9. Be transparent
I believe mentoring is the sharing of your life and experiences, the successes and failures, the good times and the bad. In mentoring relationships who we really are and what we really believe become evident. When mentors and mentorees open their hearts and minds to one another they make themselves vulnerable - this is the heartbeat of mentoring. Remember that trust and confidentiality are essential for this level of vulnerability. It is amazing how quickly people are honest with you when you are honest with them.
We need to remember that mentors are people too - we do not necessarily have it all together. People who have a good self-awareness of their strengths and weaknesses make the best mentors. When mentors put their insecurities, weaknesses and fears on the table for discussion, the modelled vulnerability opens doors for learning and growth. Having bad self-awareness could result in us giving distorted encouragement or direction.
10. Be honest
From my experience a mentoring relationship is only worthwhile if we are able to speak the truth to one another. A good mentor will have the ability to confront. Remember people are more likely to accept the truth, and speak it, if it is done in a spirit of love and within an environment of confidentiality. It doesn't take long for the mentoree to determine if you are "on their side". When I understand someone is wanting the best for me I am far more likely to listen to their hard words. Some of the most significant growth you can experience as a person can result from a caring mentor who confronts you about issues you need to face or changes you need to make.
11. Be creative
Don't always do everything the same (tends to get a bit boring!). Try a different venue now and then - walk along a beach, go out for a meal, take them to a different church to observe something, watch a movie, visit somewhere or someone inspiring etc. I like to be spontaneous every now and then.
12. Provide encouragement and hope
Don't hold back on the affirmation. Affirm people's efforts and let them know when they have done well. Often you will see the potential in the people you are mentoring before they do. Giftings and risk taking can be nurtured with encouragement and hope. I am Director of Ministry Training at Carey because Paul Windsor (Carey's principal) believed in me, identified abilities that had not yet been developed, provided opportunity for my growth, encouraged my efforts, and continues to generously affirm my progress. Don't under-estimate the value of providing hope.
13. Be an advocate
There will be times when we will be required to speak up for the person we are mentoring. Examples might include: when an activity they undertake goes poorly, when their potential is not appreciated, when they are badly treated. A good mentor is there in the bad times too!
14. Be prepared to learn
It is amazing how much I learn from the people I mentor. I often sit in my office opposite a student and hear them talk of their passion for God and love for his people and feel hopelessly inadequate. I hear of all that they are prepared to sacrifice and am hugely challenged. Approaching mentorship as a partnership of learning and encouragement makes things far more exciting. What can I learn by sharing in the learning and growth of this person? What can I learn from this unique person and their unique perspective?
15. Encourage holistic development
With my students at Carey I use a learning model that has four components; knowing, doing, being and feeling. In your mentoring try and focus on all of these aspects of the mentoree and not just one or two of them. Knowing is about knowledge, doing is the skills, being is about character, and feeling is about empathy and passion. How am I encouraging them to grow in their knowledge of this area? How am I encouraging them to develop skills in this area? How are they coping with being involved in this area? How am I developing their passion for this?
